Marriage, an outdated result of the antiquated practice of courting? Perhaps. Or perhaps, we have been conditioned to believe that. Does anyone even know what courting is anymore? I remember when the trends changed. I remember when divorce or single-parenting became the norm, rather than the exception.
There are still people who court, date, etc. and get married. Not everybody is “shackin up”, as grandpa would call it. There are increasing numbers of folk, however, like myself that have children and no plans for marriage. Now my so-called rationale may be different than others. Mine started, I think, with the belief that there are no real models of successful marriages. Not amongst my peer group. But, I can always think of one or two that are great. It is definitely work, though.
I came to envision marriage as a business contract. Which for all intents and purposes it is. Yes, people marry for love, but marriage binds your finances, and in this economy, that is serious business (think of a dowry, again a business transaction). So, do I want to go into business with some of these men, uh uh, never that! Do I want to be in a momentary situation on and on, again and again, though…not really.
So where is the balance? Where is the middle ground? Can we go on creating pseudofamilies, birthing children into “situationships” that were bred from our momentary love for Mr. or Mrs. Right Now? Everyone screams the stats show broken homes, absent fathers are the issues. But these issues don’t begin there. They begin with our temporary decisions that have longterm consequences, for a number of people involved.
Now I’m not saying to wife or hubby up Mr. or Mrs. Right Now. I’m saying don’t waste your time, or co-create with a being that you KNOW ain’t right for you. The consequences are dire. Dont get into these relationships thinking they are just a challenge, I can change them, I can fix them. No you can’t. You can only change you, your standards, your expectations, your goals, your reality. When you find someone aligned in your vision of where you want to go in life, someone who you are willing to partner with in your “joint business venture”, then perhaps you have found Mr. or Mrs. Forever. I’m not saying don’t date and explore the world, I’m saying don’t create permanent connections to a temporary relationship. Love self first, then you will know what to seek in a mate.
Until next week, may love, peace, and happiness be your reality.